Getting hairy… Or not!

About four years ago I decided to go trim my hair. My regular barber had recently upped his price to almost double of what he’d taken before, so I had decided to try out a new place. I only wanted some trimming, so cheap was more important that top-notch quality…

Famous last words, eh?

Anyway, I located another barbershop that I had passed on my way downtown several times and decided to try it out. I was greeted by a friendly girl, sat down in one of those chairs that look suspiciously like the one’s they have at the dentist, and was clothed in a cloak of some sort.
You know the sort: The one’s that’s supposed to keep hair away from your clothes by funneling most of it down your neck just so you’ll itch that much more.

The girl was devastated and didn’t quite know what to say or what to do. I didn’t have to pay anything for my close shave, naturally, and asked her to rake it all off. Better a skinhead than having a bare spot on the side of my head. I was pretty pissed off, but still I ended up keeping my head bare that summer.

Shortly after I invested in one of those hair-buzzer-machine-thingies and have been doing my hair-work myself ever since.

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Giving the dog a bone

Dogs make me uneasy.

It’s nothing like panic or a phobias, but they do make me feel unsecure. Particularly the larger dogs like rotweilers, german shepperds, bulldogs and their like. And for some reason their owners can never figure out why.

I know why, though. It’s all a matter of perception. You see, when the owner looks at the dog, this is what they see:

Not so when I see them, though. Here’s how they look in my minds eye:

A slightly different point of view, no?
But that’s not the whole story. It all began many years ago. I was about 8 or 9 years old and was visiting a friend of mine for the first time. And among the various cretins he called family you could also find a “dog”.

I use the term dog losely here. What I actually mean was that he had a poodle. You know what a poodle is, yes?

It was one of those small, fluffy/curly mopps that can go “yip yip yip yip yip yip yip” for hours on end, and from the moment I entered the house this abrerration against nature kept stalking me, always a meter or two away and always positioned to make him as unobtrusive as possible.
After an hour or two I had about forgotten that he was there. And then it happened!

It was just a small nibble, but you know how kids are, right? A kid with a tiny splinter in her finger can scream and wail loud enough crack glass, and I was no exception. I ran like hell for home, crying and screaming like I had ben chopped to bits by an axe.

And, to my mind, that is exactly how horribly maimed I’d been. It was just a tiny bite, barely even bleeding, but this is how my mind saw the situation:

I imagined pools upon pools of blood trailing me, of blood poisoning trailing up my veins, and of rabies running rampant through my arteries. Isn’t fantasy and creativity such a wonderful tool?

Anyways, I got a small bandaid, and the incident was soon forgotten as one of those things that happens.
Still, to this day I don’t trust dogs. Sure, some of them might be cute and cuddly, but I don’t trust them…

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Discovering George Carlin

We all experience it sometime during our life. It’s usually our own fault too, and at the time you might hate it, but with time it tend to get more funny. What the heck am I talking aout? Embarrassment…

Several years ago I was visiting a friend. This was about the time when DiscMan’s were at their height. You remember these things, right?

My friend and I had discussed music for a few hours when he suddenly changed topics to standup comedy. Truth be told I’dnever seen any truly funny commedians to that point, and he completely lost it and immediately burned out a disc with George Carlin.

As I was taking the bus home I decided to give it a try. I popped the disc into my player and hit Play.

That was the start of my love for good comedy. I’ve later discovered Bill Hicks, Dennis Leary, Robin Williams and many, many more, but George Carlin and his “Free Floating Hostility” piece still ranks highest on the list.

Despite me looking like an utter lunatic on the bus…

 

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